Why?????

Why do I want to lose weight?  I mentioned some of the reasons in my History post.  The biggest reason is just to feel better about myself.  I work from home a lot and I feel embarrassed and ashamed when I have to go into the office and see people that I haven’t’ seen in a while.  I’m at the point now where I don’t look good in what I’m wearing, you can see my rolls and I don’t even have a way to hide it.  I look at myself in the mirror and say “it is what it is”  and go on with my day.  I used to change until I could find something that would make my rolls less obvious.

My other big reasons are the physical effects.  Yesterday I was cleaning, and just being on my feet for an hour causes so much pain for me.  My feet, ankles, and knees are so sore.  I’m tired a lot, and out of breath easily.  The other day I had to go into the office, not only did I not have anything but jeans to wear, and rolls showing, I was so out of breath and sweaty by the time I was done getting ready for work, I swear I needed another shower!

I want to be able to wear cute clothes and not worry about if they have them in a big girl size and that they will look the same as they do on a thin girl.  And you know that never happens.  They look so cute on the manikin because they pin the clothes back so they are tighter and there is no muffin top.

I’m going to be 40 years old this year, even though I don’t currently have any health issues related to my weight, I know that if I keep going the way I am, that won’t last much longer.

The last reason is my family.  I’m married to a wonderful man and have 4 awesome kids.  My oldest will be 22 this year and my youngest is 4.  I want to have energy to be active with them.  I want to go hiking with my husband.  We were planning on hiking Havasupai Falls this March.  We were going to do it as a backpacking trip.  I was looking so forward to this trip, but I’m just not physically ready for it.

Havasupai Falls - isn't it beautiful?  Someday I will see this in person!

Havasupai Falls – isn’t it beautiful? Someday I will see this in person!

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4 thoughts on “Why?????

  1. Everytime I read these it just breaks my heart. First because you are so far away and I cant give you the support that I really want to. Secondly, because you are so hard on yourself and you are so miserable and I am not there to help keep your spirits up! I love you so much!!!

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  2. Pingback: Feelings of….. | ∞ Purple Banded ∞

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